Growing up I was pretty sure getting pregnant was like really easy to do. Parents, teachers and movies made it seem like just by holding hands you were for sure going to miss your period. I was terrified of unexpectedly becoming pregnant, I was just sure that I was going to see those dreadful 2 pink lines and be absolutely devastated.
Even when my husband and I had been dating for a few years I would play a game that he absolutely hated..”what would you do if..” I would say “What would you do if we found out we were pregnant?” (he probably doesn’t even remember this conversation but I asked more than once, partially because he waited forever to ask me to marry him.) He always responded the same way, “have a super cute baby.” I would smile because I liked that he didn’t say ‘freak out and break up with you.” Then I would say “how do you know it will be super cute?” and he would always reply, with a smug look, “because, look at me.”
He’s not wrong, if our children turn out to look like their daddy.. we will have some very cute babies.
This week I am particularly excited to update y’all…so much so that I will just cut straight to the chase. Our doctor called on Wednesday and went over the results of our genetic testing. We had 11 embryos sent off to a lab to be screened and SEVEN came back healthy.
We were just over the moon excited with that news and in fact before we sat down to consult with our doctor over the phone I told Chris that I didn’t think I wanted to know the gender of the babies, if they even knew them. But…. in true Cara fashion as soon as he said “would you like to know the genders?” I freaked and said ‘YES!” and then I had to quickly remember my husband and make sure that was okay with him too, ha!
We have FIVE healthy baby girls and TWO healthy baby boys! INSANE.
“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to HIS power that is at work within us.” Ephesians 3:20
Seven chances to be a mama this side of Heaven is IMMEASURABLY MORE.
If it wasn’t already wild enough to imagine that God willing and with the help of an incredible team of doctors we were able to make a baby outside of my body, to be told that we made 7 healthy babies and then to know if they are little girls or little boys is just more goodness than I deserve. Of course for those of you who are truly unfamiliar with the entire IVF process this does not mean that I will get to hold all 7 babies, that is still up to God.
We get a couple of weeks to decide if we want to select a gender or if we would like to be surprised and tomorrow I start on a new protocol of medicine to prepare my body to accept and carry one of the babies. Next month after our move I will fly back to Atlanta and have an embryo transferred, to result in a pregnancy the baby will still have to implant just like in a natural pregnancy.. so I am praying for this to be my last 2 week wait for a while.
Of course once the doctor revealed the genders my first thought was “that is a whole lot of GIRL.” I know so many women spend years dreaming about the day they will have daughters but I have pretty much always seen myself as a boy mom, it is incredibly weird to hear that what you thought about yourself is just plain untrue.
For the longest time I reasoned that I wanted boys because I just could see myself with a tribe of little wild things, all the names I loved and picked out were for boys, and I don’t own a single pink shirt.
This week after hearing that we made not just 1 but 5 baby girls I spent some quiet time just imaging what life would be like as a girl mama. The very first lie I thought was, “I am not made to raise women.” .. but our girl gang of miracle embryos pretty much squashed out that idea. I think for the longest time I didn’t dream about little girls because women face a whole lot of hard in this world.. at least I have. Boys don’t come home crying because the other girls made fun of the fact that you can’t afford to wear name brand clothes… or get teased about their pant size. Boys don’t have to worry about being asked to prom or grow up to hear that becoming a mama isn’t as simple as everyone else makes it look.
Raising women, to me, feels like a lot of pressure.
I think the main reason I feel that way is because over the last several years I have had to work my way through years of self sabotage, toxic thinking, word curses, unbelief and more baggage than one person should lug around in one lifetime. The idea of raising up women makes me fiercely aware that I will be the dominant voice in their minds. I will be the example of what it looks like to be a daughter of Christ, a loving wife and a mama.
Y’all, even just the idea of one baby girl made me spend some serious time deciding that if I want to raise women who are brave, kind, strong, unashamed and God fearing then I have some work to do! It turns out that it is so so good that God only allows us one day at a time, because even just a glimpse of the future..like finding out the gender of all your babies at once is a humbling reminder that we only have the strength for today.
My prayers have shifted from “Lord make me a mama.” to ” Lord, show me the places where I need to stop running from change and instead face it head on, show me where I look the least like you and help me to have the courage and discipline to grow closer to your image.”
I pray this week that you are bold enough to believe that God is bigger than anything you are facing and that he is good even when what you are walking through doesn’t feel good. But mostly I pray that you would ask God to show you how to take the hard places in your life, the places where you feel the most shame, regret, heartache and turn it into something that can bless someone else. If God chose me to walk this hard path then I am going to light a way for those who also find themselves on this same dark road.
“He has sent me to comfort all those who are sad and to help the sorrowing people of Jerusalem. I will give them a crown to replace their ashes, and the oil of gladness to replace their sorrow, and the clothes of praise to replace their spirit of sadness. Then they will be called trees of Goodness, trees planted by the Lord to show his greatness.” Isaiah 61:3
Thank you so much for celebrating with us, believing with us and sharing our story in hopes that this blog lands in the hands of a woman who also knows the ache of barrenness and hears maybe for the first time that she is not alone.
Also, super fun update tonight! Our puzzle is beginning to take shape! How amazing is it going to be to see the names of everyone who helped us bring our miracle home & to teach them to pray by praying over the names of the people who believed in miracles!
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See ya next week!