This week is such a BIG week in the James household, the last two weeks have sped by and slowly crept at the exact same time. I spent most of this two week wait packing boxes and preparing for another move to another new home. Last week the nurse called and let us know that out of our 16 embryos 11 made it to the blastocyst stage and were able to be sent off to the genetics lab for testing! This Wednesday we have a phone consultation with our doctor, he is going to be going over our next steps and will tell us the number of genetically healthy babies we have- I am so excited I could just burst. Just the idea of having 1 frozen little embryo makes me want to run out and decorate a nursery.
I thought for sure nothing could top finding out how many babies we will have waiting on us in Atlanta, until today. We had the most incredible guest speaker at church today, he told his testimony and I wept and wept because I felt like God answered my prayers today through a sermon. For the past several years I have prayed for lots of circumstances, and people and things but I have consistently prayed for 2 things..
- That God would steal my husbands heart just like He did mine, and that my husband would be baptized.
- That God would help me to realize what I was suppose to do with all the heartache I have walked through this side of Heaven.
Today at the 11:00 service, he answered both.
I am sharing this tonight for two reasons, I think it’s powerful to hear about answered prayers and I NEVER want to forget how SEEN I felt by God today.
The guest speaker shared his deepest heartache about 11 years of infertility, the passing of his wife and baby during delivery, the joy of finding love again, the miracle of his first born and the adoption of his second daughter. I could barely get my hand to write a single note because I felt like he was telling this story only to me, like the rest of the world just went dark. I have never heard a story and felt so moved in my entire life and I have heard testimonies and witness miracles first hand… this was different, this was a divine appointment for me. He finished his story and before he ended he said something I will NEVER forget “this story is not for me, it’s for you.” In a single breath he captured exactly why I have felt so strongly about sharing our story, all of it. It’s my deepest desire, even more than to be a mother that someone will stumble upon my words and find Jesus in my story.
Just when I was sure that God had given me the greatest gift ever, the guest speaker did an alter call (which is always one of my favorite parts of the sermon) I love watching people step out and say YES to Jesus. Today though, God moved in my very favorite person. After the alter call the pastor said “I am going to do something a little different in a minute I want you to look at the person next to you and say,” “I know if I die today, I am going to Heaven.” and if they don’t say it back to you, then I want you to say “I will walk down with you.” I looked over at my husband and I knew that God had answered my long time prayer.
Chris got baptized today and I love that I know one day I’ll be in Heaven with my husband when we meet our son or daughter for the first time.
Baptism ties in so perfectly with the word God laid on my heart this week. As I was packing and cleaning I was talking to God and when I spent quiet time with the Lord that is when I get my idea for what to blog about. This week over and over I kept thinking about the idea of starting over. Baptism, of course is the ultimate clean slate, so today as I watched my husband become brand new in the same water that I said yes to Jesus in 5 years ago I knew that the idea of starting over is something I am suppose to talk about.
I think that so many people live trapped in a life they hate simply because they are truly unaware that at any given point you can decide to be someone completely brand new. I’m not even talking about giving your life to the Lord, I am talking about the lies that you allow yourself to believe while you walk around in a life that is less than you are capable of living. (but also, you should consider letting Jesus love you as well.)
Earlier this week my husband and I decided to go for a run. I am not sure you can call what we did “a run” but we did it and it hurt and I was sweaty so it was something. I have had a really difficult time with not being able to workout during my fertility treatments because sweating helps me reduce stress and the hormones make me bloat and gain weight.. and honestly for someone who has battled weight and negative body image it’s hard to remember that I am not going to care about how my arms look when they are holding a miracle baby.
but back to the run.. while we were dying on our short run I kept thinking about how I have always said “I can’t run, I suck at cardio” and so I have lived my entire life as someone who does not run YET I have a weird desire to run.. like really run, I am talking like half marathon kind of run! It’s the weirdest thing to want something that doesn’t match up with “who you are.” and that is exactly when I had this thought…
What would it take to become the kind of Cara that is a runner?
I mentioned to Chris that I realized how ridiculous it was to walk around saying that “I can’t run” when the truth is I choose not to. It made me think HOW MANY OTHER LIES are there in my life that I believe as truth?
A second thought popped into my head later that same day.. what if instead of restricting myself from certain foods or lifestyle choices I made a conscious decision about things based on the person I want to be. I’ll give you a few examples:
Instead of “I cant eat that I’m on a diet.” .. how about ” I don’t eat that, because it doesn’t make me feel very good.”
Instead of “I cant run, I suck at it.” ..how about “I am just starting to train for a 5k so today I am going to run a 1/2 mile as well as I can.”
There is POWER in changing your thoughts and your words and I am convinced that the fastest way to a new, better version of you is making current decisions based on where you are going. If you want to be fitter, what would the fittest version of you eat for breakfast? Would that version of you go for a jog? Would that person speak differently and try new things? How much faster would you become who you want to be if you were intentional with your decisions instead of “well I have always done this.” or “I have just never liked fish.” … that last one is a little too close to home, we are having fish for dinner and seafood is not my favorite but fit Cara eats fish and she also goes on runs..
It is NEVER too late to be who you might have been. If you made decisions that led you to a place you do not like, you can make new decisions to lead you somewhere you do like!
You, just like my husband was today, can be made new.
As always, thank you for praying for us, believing with us & supporting our journey to parenthood. Also, as an update on our puzzle, 12 pieces have been claimed, we are so grateful, I can’t wait to rock our baby and tell them the story of how well they were loved long before their first breath.
See ya next Sunday,