WOW- okay so I can’t take a week off again because it takes me all day to straighten out my thoughts and remember everything that happened that I want to share with y’all!
Last week was super exciting, I’m going to explain the process as if everyone reading this has absolutely no idea what goes on with an IVF cycle and so if you are a pro..well just skim this part! We had no flippity idea what the heck truly went into this process when we began praying for God to make a way for us to be parents over 5 years ago! This past week I went in for my egg retrieval, meaning over the course of this month I have been working overtime with the help of injections to grow as many mature eggs as possible in order for fertilization to happen. Gosh, that sounds romantic.
Before I left the surgery center the Dr. let me know that they were able to retrieve 23 eggs during surgery.. that sounded about right to me because I was so bloated I felt like I could just about pop! The next day the nurse called to tell me that of those 23 eggs 19 were mature enough for fertilization and of those 19 eggs 16 became embryos!
16 embryos.. Lord have mercy that’s the exact amount of children I want.
Now I’m not sure what is harder.. the “two week wait” to wait for 2 pink lines or the 1 week wait to find out how many of those 16 embryos survived and will be biopsied, frozen and genetically tested. This week the nurse will call and let us know how many embryos made it to the blastocyst stage… we are believing that God knows the exact PERFECT result but it’s hard not to imagine and dream and even laugh about all the possible scenarios.
I know that if you conceived all your babies the old fashion way that everything you just read sounds like the most wacky way to bring a baby into the world.. but when your mama heart beats as hard as mine just know I would do so much more than a few weeks worth of shots and lay more eggs than a spring chicken to stare into a face one day that hopefully has Chris’s baby blue eyes!
I feel like it’s necessary to mention because she reads my blogs faithfully that my aunt Liz is the real MVP. The trips to and from Atlanta while we are thankful for them can be taxing, 2 hours one way for a 10 minute ultrasound and blood draw. She graciously took me in and when Chris had Army obligations she also took me to surgery, waited on me and nursed me back to health, she deserves the world.
This is just another example of how God has taught me that we are not designed to carry our burdens alone.. no matter what the world tells us. She too, has two IVF miracle babies here on earth and even some in Heaven, I was reminded over and over during my stay last week how much it matters to let other people help you carry some of your heavy load, even if it means that your fragile ego has to take a major hit, let that pride go!
This journey, although I wouldn’t have chosen it has strengthened my faith and has shown me over and over how God chose the exact right husband for me because honestly I’m not sure how many husbands could handle the emotional hot mess infertility brings to the marriage. Let’s just say I almost cried today because my anxiety was giving me anxiety.. and also a hot flash.. I’m the dream folks.
Another important lesson I have learned is that with the proper motivation you can do ANYTHING.
Learn to eat foods you hate.
Finish your dinner in time for a delicious dessert (like my 4 year old cousin Allie)
Stab yourself with a needle to give yourself a chance at a family.
Grieve unimaginable loss both physical and emotional.
and even ask for help.
Gosh that last one is hard for me, not just asking other people in my life to help me but even as I was praying earlier I realized that I was having a hard time asking God to help me to take my tightly gripped hands off of this desire for IVF to work and to fully surrender my plans to his will. THAT IS NOT EASY.
Chris and I have several friends who are walking through truly difficult circumstances right now and I know that even though they too love the Lord that fully submitting your plans and trusting that God is bigger than the cancer, the heartache, the financial hardship, the deployment, the infertility or the loss of an unborn baby feels impossible.
I think the cutest way to explain this is to use the example I mentioned above about my little cousin finishing her meal so she could have the surprise dessert my aunt promised. Allie had not seen this dessert.. in truth she didn’t know if it was frozen, or chocolate or if it truly existed at all. The only thing she knew about the dessert was that it came AFTER dinner. That meant that she had to trust (have FAITH) that my aunt had good intentions for her and that the reward would outweigh the effort (side note: dinner was the most delicious meat loaf and mashed potatoes ever.. so perspective people.) but to a 4 year old with a sweet tooth, HARD times.
This might seem like such a silly example but if you can imagine with the same childlike faith that my cousin had to trust and wait and believe even when she had not seen exactly what she was working towards you’d gain perspective. She had to trust that her obedience would lead to a reward specifically chosen for her.. and boy was it better than the piece of candy she was just sure it was.. mini ice cream cones covered in chocolate, any 4 year old would go nuts!
This was the purest reminder that just like Allie’s mama knew just what she would love even before Allie ever thought to ask for it, God knows our deepest needs and desires and even still, knows what is ultimately better for us long before we know to even ask.
This brings me to something I want to ask you to consider but first I want to make sure that I properly thank those who have prayed for us and with us, for those who have shared our story, for those who have given GENEROUSLY, for those who have shown up for us and blessed us beyond what we deserve. We are so forever grateful, you’ve changed our lives.
We have 3 very specific ways in which you can partner with our family so that we can finally meet our miracle!
- You can click the link below, read our story and partner with us financially.. this gift is out of the generosity of your heart, please know that $1.00 or $100 we are thankful that you trust in God’s plan for our family.
2. We have designed the cutest puzzle, you can “purchase” a piece for $10! We will write your name on the back of the puzzle piece and begin assembling the puzzle. Once every piece has been purchased the fully assembled puzzle will be framed and hung in the nursery so we can see the names of the friends and family who stood in the gap for us and had faith that there would be a miracle to meet! To purchase your piece click below.
3. We need your prayers. We need people willing to lift our need on our behalf because the bible says for where two or three are gathered in his name, God is also there! We are believing that we will have healthy embryos, enough to fill a minivan and flood our living room on family movie night, we are believing BIG.
Thank you to everyone who has followed our story, I would love if you would encourage others to swing in on Sundays and spend some time with me!
See ya next week,