Today marks my 3rd official day into our IVF treatment.. so far I feel great and I am oddly enjoying actually administering the shots. That probably sounded creepy but maybe I would have made a decent nurse or like a gal at Claires that pierces ears…don’t stop dreaming folks. We have also started the moving process so there are half packed boxes all over the house and i’m pretty sure there is some paint in my hair, oh the glamour 2019 has brought to our home.
It does however seem fitting to start a brand new chapter of life at the very beginning of a new year, that’s neat and tidy and I can get on board with that. Speaking of tidy.. I should have never binge watched Marie Kondo.. I think I might end up tossing out everything we own before we ever load it onto the moving truck. I think every person I know is now folding their clothes into impossibly small rectangles, including myself. I also feel like every person on my social media has announced they are adding a bundle of joy to their family this year and while I am celebrating with them that particular part of the process always stings.
Watching someone else get what you want is painful.. not just with growing a family but in every area of life..
Watching someone else get engaged when you haven’t been on a decent date… like ever.
Watching someone else buy their first house while you’re still scrounging to pay your roommate your part of the rent.
Watching someone travel the world when the only place you have traveled to lately has been to work.
Watching someone transform their body while you force feed yourself kale and see no results.
No matter what the circumstance, watching someone else get what you want is pure torture. For me, when I see a beautiful baby announcement it’s like God accidentally gave my gift away to someone else. That analogy reminds me of one Christmas morning at my Granny’s. Now my Gran loves to shop and all year she would let us pick out things that we loved and she would store them in the spare room. The night before Christmas she would sort through and wrap up our gifts but the issue was that sometimes she couldn’t remember who picked out which gifts.
One particular year as my family sat around and began to tear open the brightly wrapped packages I noticed that my aunt and my cousin and even my sister were opening gifts that I had picked out.. almost all of my gifts were wrapped for the wrong person. That’s how it feels when I see a baby announcement.. like God wrapped MY present for the wrong person. Now don’t get me wrong I know that these mama’s are worthy of these babies…it’s just so hard in the moment to remind my flesh that God is in no short supply of miracles.
I’m sure that you too have been in a desert place and felt like God overlooked you, it’s a difficult place to worship from but He is still worthy of praise.
So how do we get from this place of feeling overlooked by God to knowing that we are exactly where we are suppose to be?
The first place that I go is to scripture because the only one who would know if I am where I am suppose to be is the one who made me.
Habakkuk 2:3 says it like this, “For still the vision awaits it’s appointed time; it hastens to the end- it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay.”
….boy does it seem slow.. but the scripture also says that it WILL NOT DELAY, meaning God will make it happen when the time is right, not early and never late.
The second place I go for comfort in the desert place is serving others because if you give what you want you’ll get what you need. I have lost count of the baby showers I have hosted, personalized onesies I have made and the number of congratulations I have given in response to a friend or loved one announcing another baby. Each one I have done out of love but also as an act of worship my own small offering as if to say “You know what is best and I am not God, you are.” That is not always easy to do but I believe that God honors that kind of obedience.
Lastly, I firmly believe you have to bloom where you are planted. This is something the Army has taught me and even though it has been several years I am still learning to hone this skill. Learning to thrive and be content right where you are without being complacent is where the magic is at and the faster you come to this conclusion the better. You may not have your dream job, or body or baby but you are better off preparing to receive what you are asking for instead of pining over what you don’t yet have. (trust me, I am going to have to eat a plate full of my own words probably 5 minutes after I publish this.. I am only human.” My husband straight up once a week tells me to go read my own blog, rude.
It all boils down to this one truth God has enough miracles, promotions, surprises, blessings.. all the good stuff.. to go around and around again.
“Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and RUNNING OVER, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” Luke 6:38
He has such incredibly beautiful things planned for you this year, don’t miss it because you’re watching your neighbor water their grass, water yours!
See you next week,