I’m so glad you came back for more. This week was hands down one of the most exciting and exhausting weeks all bundled into one. WE DID IT Y’ALL. We officially did our first round of fertility treatments. I wish that I could express with words how grateful I am, over the last 5 years we have had several opportunities to begin treatments but timing, finances and spiritual discernment never quite matched up. Being able to say YES and not cry or cringe or stress about being able to pay was the kind of gift we will NEVER be able to repay to those of you who blessed us financially. Now we wait.. my least favorite thing to do.. but honestly after 5 years what is 2 weeks?
My heart feels a lot vulnerable because even though I believe with everything I am that God can, I also believe that He knows what is best for me..even if I don’t like it..even if it doesn’t feel good. Sharing with y’all every detail pretty much makes the control freak in me cringe.. but can you just imagine the outlandish love our baby will have poured over him or her because we allowed so many people into our story? The reward far outweighs the risk! Speaking of reward.. if sharing our story, raw emotion and all means that one day just ONE person says because you didn’t hold back the hard parts I get to spend eternity with my Heavenly Father.. I mean Y-E-S.. I will take all the temporary public heartache for someone else to get to party with Jesus forever!
So you can bet in 2 weeks, we will let you know if we are celebrating or if we are still believing He is able! I know that a lot of people wait until they are in their second trimester to share and I am not shaming that.. but for me and my house we BELIEVE that all miracles should be celebrated even if they are followed by hard times and that heartache and joy are best shared in community.
This idea of allowing everybody and their brother to watch us attempt what some Drs. along the way called impossible has me thinking about how many people live chained by the fear of failure.. or rather the fear of what other people will think of you if you try and fail. I know that failing is hard… but I think the idea of failing is harder. Just like pretty much everything else in the world, the idea of something is usually much more anxiety inducing than actually doing whatever it is you’re afraid to fail at.
When I wanted to start working out I was terrified. I kept saying I was scared because I didn’t know what to do.. but the truth is I was nervous about the people who I was 100% positive were laughing about how stupid I looked trying to figure things out. Let me let you in on a huge secret..
THOSE “PEOPLE” ARE TOO WORRIED ABOUT HOW THEY LOOK TO OTHER PEOPLE TO WORRY ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE DOING.
You know it’s true.
Think about a time when you tried something you felt was risky.. maybe a new style of clothing or a new hairdo that you weren’t entirely comfortable in. How you look to other people dominates your thought life. You can’t even remember someone’s name when they introduce themselves because you’re too busy wondering if your new bangs make you look dumb.. meanwhile they are thinking “man I wish I was brave enough to try bangs, she is so confident and stylish.”
Now she’s feeling insecure because she hasn’t changed her hair in 4 years and is just sure you think her grown out bob is disgusting..but no, you? You’re still wondering if headbands are in so you can hide your new bangs until they grow out.
We live in a world absolutely consumed with what other people think.. and because of this we walk around masking all the ways God made us to be different, unique & beautiful. Children don’t do this.. we encourage them to wear the skirt over the pjs with the Christmas sweater in June because they feel pretty.. and then we tell them good job for being themselves.
Mama, I think you need to hear that the world doesn’t need another second rate version of someone else.. the world needs your unique, individual, set-apart personal brand. Those thoughts, plans, dreams trapped up inside of you cannot work unless you DO YOU. They were designed to be accomplished by you.. so you can bet they will fail if you try to live out your divine assignment as someone else. Be in the world, not of it sister.
If you want to get in shape, change your style, learn something new.. you are going to have to be okay with failing. I could lie to you and tell you that you aren’t going to fail but what if instead we just fully embraced the idea that you might look like a goofball the first time you try to do a box jump or curl your own hair. WHO CARES. Those people who you admire and spend all your time wishing you were more like.. they once failed at what they they now excel at doing.
The faster you fail the faster you can master a new skill.
If you want to get in shape, you better just rip that bandaid off, put your blinders on, grab a girlfriend who believes in you and GET TO WORK.
You can do incredibly hard things.. you might just not do them well at first.
Do them anyways. Don’t wait, the time is now.
Love you friends,