I Can’t Do That Anymore.

Hello sweet friends,

Thank you for all the incredibly encouraging messages you send, the prayers you pray and for reading this blog and telling others to read it too (oh..you’re not telling others to read it? well if you did that would be cool of you..hint hint.)

Several weeks ago I went public with our financial need in order to pursue fertility treatments and I want to honor those financial gifts with continued updates.. because God is good y’all & we never want to miss a chance to thank those who have given so selflessly to our family.

To date since officially starting the process last month we have spent $582.50 .. that was 100% covered by the GoFundMe that so many of you gave to last month. This week we head into our biggest appointment yet, it will be our first actual insemination and even though I am giddy with excitement I am fully aware that all the technological advances in the world do not override God’s plans for our family. Today at church I found myself praying a prayer that didn’t necessarily feel good.. “Lord, help me to feel encouraged even if this doesn’t result in a positive pregnancy test because you have good plans for me and I want what you have for me… not what I want.”

Praying that prayer pretty much feels like when your mom would make you apologize even when you weren’t sorry for hurting your little sister’s feelings.. like you know it’s the right thing to do but it doesn’t feel good at all. Thankfully I know God honors my obedience to want what He wants even when I don’t fully understand. We are humbled to get to try for a baby this week and we would love it if you would believe with us- that God can do ANYTHING, even this.

Speaking of being able to do anything.. a few weeks ago I wrote about how when we were young and believed that we could do absolutely anything we put out minds to (if you didn’t read that blog.. go back and catch up. I’m not even going to tell you which one so that you’ll read them all.) and this week I want to expand on that thought.

I feel like this season of my life has one dominant theme which is learning to fully embrace who God made ME to be. I, probably much like you, have spent most of my life trying to be exactly like everyone but me. I’m actually not terrible at it.. but it’s exhausting and confusing.. also it’s not at all in line with God’s word.

I even spend a disgusting amount of time comparing to former versions of myself. Can you relate to that? Like it’s bad enough that I try to measure up to other women but so often I also attack myself for not being like an older version of myself. Maybe you need an example:

“I use to be so much skinner, just look at this picture.. my arms look so great there.”

” I use to be able to lift so much more than I can now.. I’m super weak.”

” I use to do my hair in the morning and now it’s just a frizzy mess.”

For me it’s: ” I use to be able to do that and now I can’t”

We were driving home from our last appointment in Atlanta on Friday and I was thinking about how frustrated I get when I use to be able to do something with ease and now I struggle with it. I sat quietly staring out the truck window and I heard God say “Instead of comparing to what you use to be able to do and feeling defeated.. what if you instead found hope in knowing that if you could do it once you can do it again?”

Y’all… I hope you heard that on a spiritual level. Read it again, write it on your bathroom mirror, tattoo in on your mind.

IF YOU DID IT ONCE YOU ALREADY KNOW IT CAN BE DONE & BE DONE BY YOU!

Done by you.. not done by her.. not done by someone better, faster, smarter, leaner than you.. but Y-O-U.

When I really sat and let this fresh wisdom wash over me I smiled because it’s utterly ridiculous what the enemy can convince us of if he is given free space in our minds. To be convinced that you can’t do something you have already done is CRAZY.

If you want to lose 80 pounds and you’ve ever lost 10.. that means you CAN lose 10 pounds 8 times. You already did it once.. who is stopping you?

If you want to do a pull up and you use to be able to do 10… YOU USE TO BE ABLE TO DO 10…you already know you can do it!

Today at church the message talked about how what you give your attention to grows.

I summed it up like this:

“You have to guard your heart against untrue words so they do not take root in your heart and transform your thoughts.”

If you find that you’re comparing yourself to a past version of yourself chances are you are giving away valuable real estate in your heart to untrue statements. Maybe you think it’s no big deal.. so you believe a few lies about yourself, they feel true and it’s painful to have to work through the reasons you think them in the first place.

I want you to consider this story about how they train baby elephants in the circus:

” They take the elephants when they are still small and tie a strong rope around their necks and attach the rope to a secure pole. The baby elephants naturally try to walk away and are stopped by the rope. They pull and push and twist and turn and eventually figure out that they just aren’t strong enough to break free of their shackles, so they stop resisting and just stay where they are. The next time they tie up the baby elephants they try to break away once again, pulling on the rope to see if they can go free. When they figure out that once again it is futile, they stop pulling and settle down and stay where they are. The same thing happens over and over until eventually when the rope is put over their heads they no longer pull and push and try to break free because they know it is futile.

That is why in captivity you can walk by a circus and see giant elephants standing passively with a rope tied around their necks that isn’t attached to anything at all. The elephant becomes so accustomed to being held back by the rope that merely the rope itself keeps the animal in check. If only they knew how powerful they really are. If only they realized that by the time they have fully grown not even a rope secured to a pole can contain them. Then they would know what true freedom is, but they don’t.”

The lies that you ALLOW to take up space in your heart will keep you in the same place you’ve always been because you believe you can’t do something that you are MORE than capable of doing.

Losing the weight.. getting the job…hitting the goal..you can. You are always just ONE decision away from a completely different life.

Have a blessed week friends,

Cara

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