My life will never be the same.

Hi there, welcome!

Wow, to be honest I thought blogging would be the easiest thing ever for me. If you have spent even a millisecond with me you’d know one thing I’m never short on is words. However, I have decided to make a splash with my first post and share with you something that I haven’t shared with most, partly because I needed time to heal off screen and partly because I just wasn’t ready to share my hurt. First let me back up and formally introduce myself and then get to the real reason you stopped by… hopefully… unless you found this by mistake then do me a favor and just read anyways.

My name is Cara James. I am 28 years old and married to the most handsome Soldier in the Army. I love Jesus and chips & salsa ( in that order.) Most recently, I have become owner & lead coach of Mom Bod Squad! Lastly, I am a recovering “fearleader,” translation: a seemingly confident women who allows fear to keep her from all the good things life has to offer, while giving off the appearance of a happy life. I’m sure absolutely no one can relate to that.. I’m also sure that if anyone reading this did decently well in English you’re most likely cringing at my inability to use proper punctuation. I feel like I should make one last disclaimer I am not perfect and my writing ability will reflect that, so grace sister.. all the grace. Now, I think we have covered enough background, let’s get to the meat.

I am sure so many people who follow MBS on any social media platform are super confused why a woman with no children would choose to start a fitness business geared completely towards moms. First of all, moms make the world go ’round and there’s nothing I love more than watching a mama remember she is strong! MBS was birthed out of the messiest place in my heart, you know the place where you would rather just shut the door and pray no one ever sees that mess? If any readers are fans of the show Friends, to help give you a mental image, remember the episode about Monica’s closet?

As a woman who fiercely loves the Lord I know that nothing good grows in darkness and that I can not both let the Lord use my story and remain in silent comfort, I have to choose. So here goes absolutely everything- be gentle and if you can find yourself even just the tiniest bit in this part of my story, know that you’ve got a friend in me.

Every big change in my life has brought me back to the same thought “after this, life will never be the same.” I felt that way the day I became a wife, again the day we left our hometown and headed to our first duty station. I especially felt this way in December of 2016 just after my husband returned from Afghanistan. In the three years prior to that deployment we had prayed and waited (not so patiently) for God to make us parents. He answered our prayers in November of 2016 right before we walked through one of the darkest seasons of our married life.

Miscarrying our miracle left me sure of just one thing. Life would NEVER be the same again. In the days that followed our loss I wept and pleaded with God to explain to me why and in a desperate attempt to microwave my healing process I begged him to make me forget. I wanted to forget how it felt to take a pregnancy test and see a positive sign. I wanted to forget the look of shock on my husband’s face when I surprised him with the news. I wanted to forget the plans we made and how it felt to experience a miracle. You see I am painfully aware of our inability to un-know something but I also desperately did not want to accept this change as my new reality. I wanted to go back to before when I wasn’t sure God could do what I was asking him to do.

Weeks bled into months and months turned into a year. It was a full year before God revealed to me something new. Exactly one year to the day I was in my car packed down with everything I own driving across country (again) because the Army had relocated us (again)! I stood inside our empty new home and felt forgotten by God. How could he let a full year go by without redeeming our story? It wasn’t until I was sitting on a blanket in the grass three months later with a handful of moms and their beautiful children that I heard that still small voice again.

We all chatted casually and privately I wondered if any of them would include me in their plans since we didn’t have kids yet. What happened next shifted my season of life and I knew my life wouldn’t be the same again. God used a woman I barely knew to push me into the “new” thing he was doing in me. I showed up in workout clothes and she said “you went to spin? I’m jealous. I use to workout but it’s too hard with two small boys.” In one single breath my now dear friend Bre spoke the words that birthed something more special than I could have ever dreamed up on my own.

My mama heart longed for a baby but hers ached too, differently and the same all at once. One by one God brought women to our small garage workouts, each one carrying her own version of the same heartache. While motherhood is a beautiful gift it’s a constant reminder that the burden will always match the blessing. To be clear the burden is not those sweet babies but rather the sacrifice, the worry, the desire to be everything to everyone all at once.

My passion to train mama’s goes deeper than physical strength and leaner physiques. I desire to help set mama’s free from guilt, from comparison, from fear, from loneliness. My vision is for each mom to finish her first workout with MBS and think “my life will NEVER be the same.”

All my love, Cara

2 thoughts on “My life will never be the same.

  1. jamesclauren says:

    Oh my gosh! I already know I am going to love this blog, Cara! It couldn’t have been easy to write your story, but it sends such a strong message of taking pain and using it to do good ! I’m so proud of you – you have such a genuine, amazing heart! Love you!

    Liked by 1 person

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